Article370 and Everything in Between!!!

by Saba Siddiqui
Yet another day and Jammu and #Kashmir remains the hot and sizzling point of discussion across the subcontinent! With a rushed decision like revoking of #article370 and 35a passed through the Presidential order in the region, things are taking an interesting turn. Amidst a noisy opposition, it is a highly autocratic move from the government, but of course #modihaitomumkinhai!!

The backstage was being set for the impending decision since last week. The agitated Ghulam Nabi Azad and Omar Abdullah have been vocal about the tension in the region. Most of us might have missed it coz we were busy watching the trailer of the Discovery show #ManvsWild. You see, talking about the flooded territories will require to hide that brilliant smile, neither is the economic slowdown worth talking of, including the reduction in imports, foreign investments and industrial output, and an all time high employment crisis looming large, and about the state of the women- now what’s that! Moreover, since the triple talaq bill is already tabled and set, rape and violence is easy to ignore. No, you don’t even have to feel sorry for the Unnao rape victim’s dead family and advocate nor for her sinking health. In fact, the Kashmir issues is a good way to paddle attention from Kuldeep Sengar, Unnao (rape case) fame BJP MLA, plus this will help in winning the next 5 state elections coming soon!

In case you are curious let me inform, #JammuandKashmir was in news since August stepped in, precisely for three things, a) security advisory for Amarnath yatris and to the tourists visiting the valley b) deployment of massive troops of army and CRPF in every nook and cranny in the region, c) imposing of section 144, internet blackout, and former CMs Mehbooba Mufti and Omar Abdulla put on house arrest. All this paved way for an effective communication black-hole. Monday morning bombed the secret bill in the assembly, with no prior notice to the other members to vote for or against the 57 page long bill along with the resolution and not forgetting the 35a, etc in just an hour. So basically until the voting was done, nobody clearly knew what actually the bill entails! While Kashmir remained in a complete lockdown its fate is being decided as the article has been revoked by using a subsection of 370 itself, isn’t it a classic example of heera hi here ko katta hai (diamond cuts diamond)!!

With Kashmir and its people being coerced into silent submission, the rest of the world echoes with noises, both celebratory and agitated. But our government is smart and has already prepared for the outcry a few weeks ago in the parliament by passing another bill denoting individuals as terrorists- Masterstroke indeed! Make a fuss all you like anti-nationals!

Now that the special status of J&K is scrapped, (which incidentally 10 other states still hold including Assam, Meghalaya, Manipur, Nagaland, Sikkim, Mizoram, Tripura, Himachal Pradesh, Uttarakhand and Arunachal Pradesh, just saying!!) it’s cute to see the masses hailing the decision like the land is up for grab, dished out in a platter for the common man… while 90% of the junta is broke, out of which roughly around 60% is still clamoring to get both end meet. Who is gonna get a hand on the most coveted land I wonder! A moment of silence for them who are thinking Kashmir is up for takes notwithstanding their empty pockets! 

Most are celebrating and applauding the decision like they did when demonetization, happened, GST, FDI and countless other things too, including the scrapping of the RTI bill recently. 56inches is hailed as the braved chest in the country backed by the hom’ble home minister mota bhai whose language in the assembly legit leaves you fidgeting! Those claiming that Kashmir is now finally a part of the AkhandBharat lack the most fundamental fact- Jammu and Kashmir has always been an integral part of India, with a special state provision now no longer in existence.

Meanwhile, the Indian economy is pushed from 5th largest to the 7^th largest! Anyway we will only celebrate Kashmir’s de-stating because an economic meltdown is not something which keeps our nationalist nose up and high! For a country which is battling severe flood and a sinking economy (vouched by enough many market experts), instead of answering critical questions government delivers this mandate... ever wondered what this hue and cry is hiding behind the ruckus. Methinks, the abrogating of 370 aims to do just what the previous historic step, aka, demonetization did to the nation at the cost of the public, performance in state elections is at stake, peeps!

Big businessmen of the country, who have finally woken up from a deep slumber after funding the present govt. in power, now that they are being hit by the slowdown, are voicing their dissent about how the economy is suffering from a steep nosedive! I am not talking about the Ambanis and Adanis, they are the demigods they don’t complain, they scrap complains, duh. In fact much of the hue and cry being made about every move of the ruling party somehow reaps benefits for them...think money and you know what I am talking about (I wonder if this can put charges of sedition against my innocent reveries)!! 

Incidentally, this is also the time when Thomas Reuters report declares India at no1 as most unsafe country for women in the world beating even the likes of Afghanistan and Brazil!! With close to 800 cases of rape in UP alone since last one year, it's an achievement,  administration will be having fits of fantasy about!

While the PM enjoys the scenery in the Corbett with the famous Bear Grylls, the rest of the country is enjoying orgasmic fits of national ecstasy for now one can marry a Kashmiri girl by the law, although whether she agrees to marry you is a question you need to ask! Is not it a reverse of LoveJihad… just saying! 

P.S. 
Have you not noticed how at every instance, women, in this case Kashmiri women, instantly become objectified... If you don't take my word for it, try a hand at google and see for yourself the trending keywords on the search bar. From funny, to aspiring, to gritty and finally to downright grotesque, you will have every combination of words associated with Kashmiri women! 

Also, let me remind these happy creatures that Kashmiri men are no less handsome… baraat ghr bhi aa sakti hai!!!